watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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