It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
