Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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