yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
