What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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