I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
