the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
