You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
