i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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