Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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