I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
