My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
