Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
