don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
