I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
