Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
