Say something about gay babies.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
