Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
