Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
