I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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