Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
