Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
