Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
