how hairy? two words: wookie tits
In America we eat man semen.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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