Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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