If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
