You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
