So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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