nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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