oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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