I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
