Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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