A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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