I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
