OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
