She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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