we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
