It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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