I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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