We won't sleep together?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
