I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
