whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
