Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
