I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
