Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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