my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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