Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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