Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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