I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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