did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
